i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize