is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
