so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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