dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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