I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
