yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
