If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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