Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
