3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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