Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
