Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
