The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
