i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
