okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize