it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
