I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
