if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
