so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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