I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am available for nakedness
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
