It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
