So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
