we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
