Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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