You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
