Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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