who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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