I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
