I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
tell me about the eggs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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