dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
