The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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