It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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