There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
