I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
