If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize