I need to stop coming to work sober
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize