Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
