Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
