I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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