I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
