Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
