You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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