Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize