I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
