I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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