if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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