Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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