He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
