i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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