I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize