Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
